My Lumps

Lulu and Zeb listen to some songs on the radio that maybe they shouldn't. Over the summer, one of these was "Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot Like Me'' by the Pussycat Dolls.
Whenever this song came on Z100, the kids' favorite station, I'd think, "gee, this maybe isn't appropriate.'' But it was so catchy! And despite, or maybe because of, ts tone of bitchy superiority, I liked it.
Lulu did too, and she would sing lyrics like: "Don't you wish your girlfriend was wrong like me,'' instead of "raw like me.'' And "Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me.''
To assuage my guilt over letting her listen to it, I told Lulu that the girl was teasing the boy and being kind of mean about the girlfriend and this wasn't nice but followed with my standard lecture about how the wonderful thing about pop songs, TV shows and movies is that people can say and do things that if you did in real life would hurt someone's feelings or get you in trouble. So that's why you shouldn't imitate them.
We continued to let her listen to the Pussycat Dolls.
But we had to draw the line at "Candy Shop'' by 50 Cent. Although in Lulu and Zeb's mind, it was literally about going to the candy shop and someone--presumably me--letting them lick the lollipop, it made me queasy when my kids sang along (especially when Lulu substituted the line, "I'll let you lick the poop on top.'')
We announced it was "too grown up'' and changed the station.
When we first started hearing "My Humps'' by Black Eyed Peas, it sounded innocent enough. At first, all I noticed was the child-like, singsong chorus. Then, I realized that they were singing about "humps'' and "lady lumps'' and the coy smuttiness sounded more obscene than songs that are directly sexual.
Lulu and Zeb loved it (they were big fans of the BEP hit "Get it Started''). But "Humps'' was off the playlist, too.
It was too late, though.
By then, Lulu had memorized entire verses. She liked to provoke us by asking, "Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk?''
And then she'd sing the answer: "I'm gonna get get get you drunk/ Get you love drunk off my hump/My lumps my lumps my lovely lady lumps/ In the back and in the front.''
At first, we would tell her not to sing it, but then she would sing it all day. It wasn't worth waging a battle. And Lulu sang this song very well, flawlessly duplicating Fergie's Fly Girl Barbie inflections. In fact, she was so good, I considered letting her listen to it on the radio again, but then I heard lyrics like, "Whatcha gonna do with all that ass?''
I imagined Lulu, coloring at Brownies, as she sang the song in its entirety.
At home, though, I not only let Lulu sing it, I started to join her.
"Whatcha gonna do with all that junk?'' I'd ask before giving Lulu her good night kiss.
And she'd tell me, before kissing me back and falling to sleep.